“It’s really not that bad”…”at least I don’t get hit” “he didn’t really mean it…he is really a nice person”…”he apologized”…”it was my fault, I shouldn’t have said that to him”…”how will I support myself and my children if we leave”…

Domestic Violence victims have a tendency to minimize the abuse they endure whether it be verbal, emotional or physical. Leaving is not just a simple matter of walking out the door; there are a number of considerations, emotional, as well as financial. Safety issues are also involved. Domestic Violence Shelters which exist in most counties offer a safe place for women and their children to seek refuge. There are alternatives available. One need not stay in an abusive relationship.

Domestic Violence affects individuals in all walks of life, married, unmarried, those who have a child together, those without, couples who are dating, traditional and non-traditional couples, female and male, even those who are members of the same family who are or have previously resided in the same home together. Domestic Violence knows no socio-economic boundaries.

An abuser need not leave a physical mark to have committed an act of Domestic Violence. Does your partner constantly demean and insult you; does he or she interrogate you as to where you go or where you have been and who you spoke to? Does your partner become extremely jealous when you talk to others or become angry when you have contact with others, including your family members? Has your partner ever threatened to hurt you or your child? Has your partner stated that “you would be sorry” if you left, or if you told anyone?

Have you been told that you are crazy or that it is your fault? Were there occasions when your partner has shoved, hit, slapped, kicked or thrown objects at you? Were their occasions when your partner forced himself upon you or forced you to engage in sexual acts which you were not comfortable with? These are just a few examples of acts of Domestic Violence.

New Jersey has a strong Domestic Violence law which protects victims. Victims can seek protection from the court by way of filing a Domestic Violence Complaint and obtaining a Restraining Order, which prohibits contact between the victim and the abuser.  The Court is also permitted by the Statute to address issues of parenting time, financial issues and a variety of other concerns to the victim. 

Time is crucial. The time which transpires between the alleged act of domestic violence and the filing of the Complaint for a Temporary Restraining Order can mean the difference between a victim receiving the protection which she or he needs or the dismissal of the case. Photographs of any marks, such as black and blue marks or scratches, or of the damage caused to personal possession can serve as a useful evidentiary tool in trial.

Janet L. Porro, Esq. and Kristen Porro Reilly, Esq. are experienced in the litigation of Domestic Violence cases. Janet L. Porro, has lectured and taught extensively in this area and for over a decade has been involved in training attorneys to litigate Domestic Violence cases. Don’t remain a victim, protect yourself and your children.